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| It's been forever since I posted anything here... so i'm giving in and i'm just gonna import this blog to my facebook account.... maybe i'll start posting again? 
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| ok. funny story #1:
I'm in King Taco with Bonnie and Mira (Mira was visiting this wknd), and I walk toward the trash can when this black brother in a paramedic uniform leans over and says "how you doin?" (I notice right away that he don't sound like he grew up in the 'hood... anyway,) I answer back "good thanks..."
He responds: "WOW! You speak English like an American!!!" 
I had to pause for a second and think about what the best way to answer him would be....
option 1) answer back: "WOW! You don't sound like a gangster!"
option 2) giggle, bow and say: "Oh sank you. sank you berry muchee"
option 3) and this is what I ended up doing (I had to swallow my Canadian pride for a second) and say: "hmmmm. yeah, well I am Korean-American....."
The worst thing was, he didn't even seem embarrassed about it! Actually, he put his foot in his mouth again later in the conversation. I wanted to try to relieve the "this is awkward..." moment so I followed up my response by explaining that I actually grew up in Canada blah blah blah...
So he goes on to say: "yeah, Canada's great, I was in Vancouver a few years back and I got pulled over by a cop... of course since I grew up in the US I thought oh shoot, i'm bein pulled over for being a black guy driving a nice car... but then the officer turned out to be a real nice guy and he was an Asian guy and spoke American just like you!"
OMG.
Anyway, we had a good laugh about it after he left. *sigh. Americans.
Funny story #2:
I went to go visit my neighbors across the street this afternoon and little Anthony who rocks a crazy fro and only speaks in Spanglish says to me:
"Susie... yo tengo animals en mi pelo...."
hehe... he had lice. kinda gross. kinda cute.
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| Every now and then it's good to have a good, heartfelt cry. Not to throw a pity-party, but to be broken.
I used to think it was so shameful to cry (especially in front of my dad ~ that's a whole other issue we won't get into here...) but tonight i left the library feeling particularly sad. not really the wanting to cry kinda sad... but a lingering sadness hung over my heart.
I felt sad and I felt tired. I didn't even want to listen to music on the drive home (though it usually helps keep me awake). I thought to myself ~ this is a "be still and know that I am God" moment ... but much to my dismay I didn't have a life-changing Holy Spirit encounter in the car. Instead, I thought bad thoughts about the guy who slammed on his brakes behind me because he wasn't paying attention to the RED light I was stopped at, swerved to the lane beside me then had the NERVE to mad-dog me! uhhh... but i let that go.
Anyway, I came home, again thinking that I would go to sleep extra early but still felt like I needed to do some "God soaking." I read from Psalm 63 and started feeling overcome with sadness again. It's weird because you'd think it would be more "longing" for God (read Ps.63) rather than sadness...
but nope. It's sadness. Dang, I'm starting to cry again as I write this... I feel this deep ache in my heart because I know so many people who stay in the place where the land is dry and parched and don't know where to drink from....so many people that are thirsty and longing but turn to dead ends for relief. I feel sad that there are so many that have never beheld him in his power and glory and don't know that his love is better than life... who have never let their lips glorify God and have never known the joy of praising him. There are so many who have never been fully satisfied as with the riches of foods, and instead of remembering Him on their beds... go to sleep feeling empty, alone and hopeless. And then there are those (perhaps the even more pitiful) who are godless, yet go to sleep feeling happy and without need... but will face judgment one day when Jesus makes himself known to EVERYONE as King.
That leads to the thought of eternal separation from God that I too infrequently visit in my mind. It's too uncomfortable to think about. Too hard a pill to swallow. Too sad of a reality to let penetrate my heart. Family members, friends, neighbors, even well known figures we see in the news (a la Britney Spears) ... we're surrounded by people who without Christ are condemned by their own sin and will be eternally separated from God and will never know the joy of being loved by God and the deep satisfaction of loving God back.
But that's why every now and then a good, heartfelt cry is necessary.
If the burden for the lost never hits my heart, I'll remain cold and distant from the heart of God which is missional by nature.
Maybe missionaries (no... ALL Christians) NEED to feel sad like this more often and get into that Jeremiah mode... maybe even weep for someone who is not yet saved....
In that case, I shouldn't be ashamed to cry.
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